the lifestyle jitters - Anxiety in the swinger lifestyle
You know that feeling in your stomach where you’re simultaneously so excited and so nervous for something? Butterflies, but also complete and utter nausea? Well, that’s me right now, folks. I’ve got a bad case of the pre-cruise jitters. Honestly, I’m not sure if pre-cruise is totally accurate. I typically feel this way before any and every lifestyle event. Maybe lifestyle jitters is more apt.
My partner says he never gets nervous, just excited, but I don’t think that’s true. I think until you’ve been in the lifestyle for a while, or are extremely comfortable around others, anxiety seeps in. It’s nerve-racking to put yourself out there in any way, and rejection is never fun.
I always have to remind myself that it will be so worth it, and once I’m there it will be more than I could have imagined. I’m so lucky to travel get to lifestyle events all over with the love of my life. So really, I just need to work through this feeling to get to do something that I love.
If you’re like me and get a bad case of the lifestyle jitters, here are some tips I’ve found that help me get through and to the event:
Be open with your partner. Talk about your anxiety. What do you think is causing it? For me, it tends to be driven by irrational fear or emotion that really just needs to be named and acknowledged. Insecurity? Jealousy? Talk about it.
If this anxiety is caused by something in particular, try to find a solution.
If you’re nervous about having trouble connecting with people at the club, try different things. Chat with people online ahead of time if there is an event group or find people on SDC and invite them to join you.
If you’re nervous about how you will look at the event, try on your costume ahead of time. Walk around in it. Show your partner. Make it into something sexy!
Remind yourself why you’re going. If your intentions are right, you’re going to meet like-minded people and hopefully play, and it really doesn’t matter what happens. No matter what, I know I will have an amazing time with my partner and create memories to last a lifetime.
If your “why” is to please your partner, reconsider. If you are not comfortable with this and are being pressured by your partner, you will not have fun.
As humans, we tend to feel more comfortable with things we’re familiar with. Before you go, study up. Look at the website, call and ask questions, watch vlogs, do whatever it takes to get the information that you need to feel comfortable.
I’m truly so blessed to be in the lifestyle. I can’t wait to be there and in the moment instead of in my head!