questions from a non-swinger
When I entered the lifestyle community, I knew no one but my partner. If I had to guess, I would assume this is the case for a lot of people like us, who needed to maintain our discretion for the purposes of our jobs.
Now, a lot of people probably would not do this, but within hours of my first experience I needed to talk to someone. Immediately. And that person couldn’t be my partner. Or the other couple.
So, I reached out to my best friend: a non-swinger.
She had so many questions. As a quiet girl who’d blush every time the teacher called on her in high school, she was shocked that I was now partying naked and having orgies.
I’ve been reflecting on this blog for a long time, but I’ve never quite come up with the right place to start. Right now, it seems fitting that I start with some of the questions I was asked by my vanilla friend.
What led you to explore or embrace the swinging lifestyle?
Honestly, I think it was something that I’ve been curious about from a very young age. I remember some of my first sexual fantasies included being with multiple people, but growing up in a religious household, I had packed them away as evil thoughts.
When I met Sam, it was clear from the beginning that we could speak openly about things we’d never spoken about before, including past partners, sexual likes/dislikes, and our fantasies. We started by talking things through, and then role-playing, before finally taking the plunge by playing with a couple he knows. This reinforced that we wanted to further explore things, so we booked a few nights at Secrets Hideaway and started experiencing the lifestyle.
Our first true lifestyle experience wasn’t until about a year and a half later on Bliss Cruise. At this point, we felt like we were truly “home” with the community. I think it’s a common misconception that swinging or the lifestyle is all about sex, but really it’s about an open, nonjudgemental community across the world. Lifestyle people are some of the warmest I’ve met. We made friends that we still keep in touch with and will hopefully be friends for life.
2. How would you define what it means to be a swinger?
I love this question! To be a swinger means so many things to so many people. To some, it means openness to simply express their sexuality. To some, it might be partaking in nudity and simply observing other couples be naked. To some, it means performing sexual acts in front of others. To some, it means only touching. To some, it means full fucking. There’s no one definition for a swinger or the activities they partake in, and that’s what’s so beautiful. The lifestyle is based on consent. As long as you have consent from other parties to perform the activities, just about anything goes. You can be a swinger wherever you fall on that scale.
3. How has being part of the lifestyle changed or shaped your perception of intimacy?
For a very long time, I thought sex equated to intimacy. In some ways it does or perhaps can, but intimacy is so much more. In order for the lifestyle to work for you, your communication with your partner needs to be frequent, in depth, and honest. The ability to communicate wants, desires, fears, concerns, all of it so freely really enhances intimacy. To share these experiences that are exciting for you both and then return to each other is something that I cannot describe. It’s really just brought our relationship that much closer.