the impact of swinging on my self-image: confidence & lack thereof
If you’ve gotten here, I assume you’ve found my blog through other means: perhaps my TikTok, or my Instagram, or maybe you stumbled upon the podcast and survived the first episode’s audio issues. These posts on social media are often short, sweet, and happy.
I tend to emphasize how the lifestyle has been a positive impact on our lives because it truly has. My partner and I have grown by leaps and bounds into better, more open, honest people. I’ve developed awareness, confidence, communication skills, profound respect and empathy, and so much more.
With this growth, however, come periods of discomfort, self-doubt, and insecurity which are overlooked in my own personal posts on other forms of media. I feel like I can dive deeper into the full issue here, which is why this blog is really my most honest resource. I write as if I’m writing in a diary, letting the words and emotions pour out, diving into the parts that aren’t quite as pretty or straightforward.
I made a post yesterday on social media talking about how the lifestyle has increased my confidence. In many ways, it has. My partner even comments how when we’re at lifestyle events, my posture changes. I walk taller, I feel at ease (generally), and I feel comfortable taking up space, whereas in everyday life I try to hide or fade into the background. The social anxiety is real.
But after I posted this video about confidence and it sat on my pages for a few hours, I kept coming back to how easy it is to lose or doubt this confidence. When I’m at home scrolling, I start comparing myself to others, and this is where the doubt comes in. I’d be lying saying if it didn’t happen at events too.
There are many times where I compare myself to others. My tummy, my boobs, my pussy, my body. The way I have sex, the things I like, all of it can get to me, as superficial as it is.
I know I’m not alone. Seeing perfectly sculpted bodies, whether that’s through hard work, good genetics, or surgery, does make you doubt yourself.
But here’s the important part: their beauty doesn’t take away from mine. I know that I have attributes that people find sexy. Attributes that I love about myself.
I’ve written before that not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone. However, you are everything to the right people. Your partner and your friends value you for more than your body, your reproductive organs, your thigh size. When you reframe your mentality to focus on the things you bring to the table instead of the things you don’t, I think you start to find peace. I know I can drive the right person crazy even though I don’t have the sexiest costume in the room or the most perfect body.
When I struggle with confidence, I find here are some things that help:
Take a break from social media. Stop comparing yourself to others
Seek reassurance from your partner. Explain how you're feeling and let them tell you why they love you. I hold on to particularly special messages from my partner to re-read in times I’m feeling low
Wear things that make you feel comfortable. Don’t try to wear the tiniest outfit in the room if it doesn’t make you feel sexy.
Remind yourself why you’re a bad bitch (yes, guys, you too).
Above all, if you’re really struggling with these issues, consider seeing a therapist. It helped me consider my values, which in-turn helped me identify things about myself that I love